Heart Vibrations Reflections

The Ancient Teachings of Winter

An example of how this looks. We arrive home after hours of doing a project or working long hours. Feeling tired and low energy, we just want to veg out on the couch and chill. We get a text or a phone call from our friend who wants to vent about her finances, her partnership, or her parent. Instead of giving yourself self time after the tremendously draining day you have experienced you immediately return the text or answer the phone call. After all your friend needs your great support and comfort. You don’t want to let her down so in spite of the fact you have no energy to give one more bit to another living being, yet you engage in the conversation with this person. Not only are you teaching said friend how to treat you…that her needs always come first, but you are also abandoning your own . Now , of course , being the kind person who wants to show all your willingness to listen and be there for those we care about is not a bad way to live our life. However, when this is a chronic and consistent pattern to make others and/or the job a priority , to put yourself and your needs on the back burner (thinking you will give yourself self care later after you attend to this friend), you return that text or call. You never want to let that person down . When we repeatedly do this behavior every time we are needed by another we are creating a pattern called people pleasing. We have taught others by our actions that no matter if we are sick, exhausted, or needing what we can only give to ourselves– self care and self love– we will put our needs on hold for our partner, our friends, our loved ones, or a work/ volunteer commitment .

Another scenario: we have been a social worker or other helping occupation for many years. We awaken to the truth that what really will bring us inner contentment and happiness is to follow our dream since early adulthood of being an artist. We share that with our partner or trusted friend. The response we receive is not supportive. or they do not even respond! Instead of pursuing our dream we stuff our desires deep down within often to make things comfortable and smooth sailing for our partner/friend. This behavior is not demonstrating that we value ourselves more than the opinion of another. We are practicing self abandonment in action.

Self abandonment shows up when our culture, society, or people close to us have certain expectations of us and our real needs and desires directly oppose those expectations, and we choose to follow the expectations of others, making a conscious choice to put our own internal desires on hold.

If you resonate with the following characteristics of self abandonment , perhaps this is your wake-up call to make different choices in order to value and empower yourself.

What self abandonment looks like in daily routines and life:  * Hiding pieces of your authentic self: not sharing your true feelings as you give up your goals and interests that inspire you and not trusting your choices.  *People pleasing: searching for validation of who you are, what you want to do in order to please and make another happy*Squashing, running from and burying feelings of not being comfortable in your own skin through denial, avoidance, distractions, workaholism and busy-ness or using mind altering substances * Not following your core values : Going along with others to keep things peaceful even when your values are being compromised * Not verbalizing to speak up for what you need: fear of setting and reinforcing needed boundaries as you allow others in any area of your life to take advantage of you * Refusing to respect and honor your own needs and desires: No consistent self care or even believing you do not deserve self care in the present moment *Perfectionism: Only feeling secure and worthy based on how much you accomplish and get done on a daily /weekly basis

Origin of Self Abandonment is usually from our family of origin or adult role models who emotionally, physically, or mentally were not present for us. The result we carried into adulthood showed up as feeling less than, unworthy, and undeserving of love and respect. This pattern , unless resolved, creates a subconscious one in which we choose friends, bosses, partners who are unsupportive and who do not really value us . Furthermore, we apply this pattern to ourselves! We are clueless of how to be our own best friend and cheerleader in life because we had no one present for us in our developmental stages as children when self esteem, self love, self value would have been molded for the positive creation of healthy, positive patterns.

The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself! You can choose starting right now to stop abandoning yourself and begin creating a partnership of love with yourself. Here are some ideas:

Ask before acting these questions: Is what I am about to do an act of self love without my influence of guilt, obligation, or shameful fear? If there were no others in the world but me, would I still follow through on this decision and action? What do I need right now and am I willing to either ask for it or to give it to myself? 

Give yourself permission to be your true , eccentric self expressing and acting with creativity in how you dress, what you do for fun, how you pursue your passions, and how you show affection and intimacy. Choose to give yourself compassion instead of critical judgment of what you label inadequate shortcomings. Honor failures equally with successes. Who lives in your head that demands you must be perfect?

Finally, listen to your body and notice your feelings when you feel challenged. Know that all humans at times suffer and have difficult stages in life. When we acknowledge this, we are more likely to connect with others who also are demonstrating they, too , are human. Above all else be your number One cheerleader and advocate. When we stand up for ourself we teach others to do the same for themselves! Aren’t we after all worth it!

Are you practicing self abandonment ? How is that possible when you are always with you, taking yourself into all relationships, all situations? When we reject, ignore our needs and conscious desires, value time and energy we give others but do not value ourselves, criticize and judge ourselves with demeaning words and thoughts, and do not choose decisions and actions in our best and highest good, we are abandoning ourselves. We may intellectually comprehend what we want and need, yet choose to abandon and ignore those very things that would demonstrate self love and self compassion.

An example of how this looks. We arrive home after hours of doing a project or working long hours. Feeling tired and low energy, we just want to veg out on the couch and chill. We get a text or a phone call from our friend who wants to vent about her finances, her partnership, or her parent. Instead of giving yourself self time after the tremendously draining day you have experienced you immediately return the text or answer the phone call. After all your friend needs your great support and comfort. You don’t want to let her down so in spite of the fact you have no energy to give one more bit to another living being, yet you engage in the conversation with this person. Not only are you teaching said friend how to treat you…that her needs always come first, but you are also abandoning your own . Now , of course , being the kind person who wants to show all your willingness to listen and be there for those we care about is not a bad way to live our life. However, when this is a chronic and consistent pattern to make others and/or the job a priority , to put yourself and your needs on the back burner (thinking you will give yourself self care later after you attend to this friend), you return that text or call. You never want to let that person down . When we repeatedly do this behavior every time we are needed by another we are creating a pattern called people pleasing. We have taught others by our actions that no matter if we are sick, exhausted, or needing what we can only give to ourselves– self care and self love– we will put our needs on hold for our partner, our friends, our loved ones, or a work/ volunteer commitment .

Another scenario: we have been a social worker or other helping occupation for many years. We awaken to the truth that what really will bring us inner contentment and happiness is to follow our dream since early adulthood of being an artist. We share that with our partner or trusted friend. The response we receive is not supportive. or they do not even respond! Instead of pursuing our dream we stuff our desires deep down within often to make things comfortable and smooth sailing for our partner/friend. This behavior is not demonstrating that we value ourselves more than the opinion of another. We are practicing self abandonment in action.

Self abandonment shows up when our culture, society, or people close to us have certain expectations of us and our real needs and desires directly oppose those expectations, and we choose to follow the expectations of others, making a conscious choice to put our own internal desires on hold.

If you resonate with the following characteristics of self abandonment , perhaps this is your wake-up call to make different choices in order to value and empower yourself.

What self abandonment looks like in daily routines and life: * Hiding pieces of your authentic self: not sharing your true feelings as you give up your goals and interests that inspire you and not trusting your choices. *People pleasing: searching for validation of who you are, what you want to do in order to please and make another happy *Squashing, running from and burying feelings of not being comfortable in your own skin through denial, avoidance, distractions, workaholism and busy-ness or using mind altering substances * Not following your core values : Going along with others to keep things peaceful even when your values are being compromised * Not verbalizing to speak up for what you need: fear of setting and reinforcing needed boundaries as you allow others in any area of your life to take advantage of you * Refusing to respect and honor your own needs and desires: No consistent self care or even believing you do not deserve self care in the present moment *Perfectionism: Only feeling secure and worthy based on how much you accomplish and get done on a daily /weekly basis

Origin of Self Abandonment is usually from our family of origin or adult role models who emotionally, physically, or mentally were not present for us. The result we carried into adulthood showed up as feeling less than, unworthy, and undeserving of love and respect. This pattern , unless resolved, creates a subconscious one in which we choose friends, bosses, partners who are unsupportive and who do not really value us . Furthermore, we apply this pattern to ourselves! We are clueless of how to be our own best friend and cheerleader in life because we had no one present for us in our developmental stages as children when self esteem, self love, self value would have been molded for the positive creation of healthy, positive patterns.

The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself! You can choose starting right now to stop abandoning yourself and begin creating a partnership of love with yourself. Here are some ideas:

Ask before acting these questions: Is what I am about to do an act of self love without my influence of guilt, obligation, or shameful fear? If there were no others in the world but me, would I still follow through on this decision and action? What do I need right now and am I willing to either ask for it or to give it to myself?

Give yourself permission to be your true , eccentric self expressing and acting with creativity in how you dress, what you do for fun, how you pursue your passions, and how you show affection and intimacy. Choose to give yourself compassion instead of critical judgment of what you label inadequate shortcomings. Honor failures equally with successes. Who lives in your head that demands you must be perfect?

Finally, listen to your body and notice your feelings when you feel challenged. Know that all humans at times suffer and have difficult stages in life. When we acknowledge this, we are more likely to connect with others who also are demonstrating they, too , are human. Above all else be your number One cheerleader and advocate. When we stand up for ourself we teach others to do the same for themselves! Aren’t we after all worth it!

Aug 2, 2022

In my quest of the current journey of my life to uncover ancient wisdom and ideas to remain calm and return to that sacred space of being comfortable within my own skin multitudes of solutions appear…usually in my Dreamtime. There was a long period of time these solutions only came in those times of meditation . I cannot tell you when this awareness changed for I have been writing about my night dreams for eons. I have also been practicing mindfulness meditation for 36 years. When it happened for me I believe an internal shift made itself known to my conscious mind and I was pleasantly surprised to welcome that almost mystical place that probably has always been available ..that amazing place existing between my dreamtime space and my meditations.

Have you ever noticed , especially since the world changed, that you could be feeling fantastic, happy and carefree when suddenly you are surrounded by a sudden episode of anxiety and highly charged emotions? Sometimes mine comes on when I am watching or listening to a speaker from their podium (especially those who claim to be healers or spiritual leaders) . I am referring to the negative aura exuding from some speakers or writers whose energy seems to overtake not only myself but the whole audience! Being a life long empath, I pick up on how others around me are being affected. Then there are those times this happens when I am triggered by hearing of suffering in the world caused by despairing events of viruses, starving cultures, greed, and uncaring political people. When this experience occurs I feel this inner tension start building in my belly right at my diaphragm and it moves up my spine into my heart. Overwhelm takes over and my feet feel they are immobilized as if in quicksand.

Having lived through the revolutionary sixties when we demanded social change and often aggressive violence tried to push us back into our holes of non resistance , that old fear can pop out. For the longest time I did not know how to handle those times of anxiety and confusion UNTIL my journeys to the otherworlds and other dimensions started appearing in the dreamtime place.

I am blessed to be a visionary dreamer and most of the time I can understand the messages presented, and see that even my perceived nightmares hold solutions in my waking hours! If I do not understand I have a couple of highly intuitive people in my world I can call on for an interpretation.

One of my reoccurring messages has been to embrace the exhale. Now many will say it is best to also embrace the inhale , but I have found by doing a modified version of the Tong Len practice by visualizing and holding all those intense emotions in a box I create in my mind then EXHALE with a huge wind noise and my audible primal scream , blowing them out into a huge ceremonial fire I imagine ,seeing they are consumed by the fire, and transformed into self love and Light! Embracing the Exhale solutions is beyond incredible. There are many other examples and techniques of embracing the exhale that have come to me.

The exhale is the beyond -surrender. Knowing I have a choice to surrender by embracing my exhale has pushed me out of so many internal conflicts. I use it with people who try to focus their ill will and negative opinions on me, with my questions of why the world has become like it has , with conflicts of my deepest connections I have with others, and when I read angry, resentful statements spoken by both strangers and known others.

Once I embrace the exhale, I then can return to my wonderful calmness and my breathing is sandwiched in my peace. I once again enter that self loving place of being a better version of myself.

I can hardly wait to go to sleep every night to get the pleasure of hearing yet another idea that my great intelligent mind never dreamed of and hear the ancient and unworldly beings download me with something new!

Claiming Peace In A Chaotic World

Have you ever been doing your practices and activities that work to keep you in balance only out of the blue those inner demons jump out with pitchfork in hand, poking holes in your happiness? I truly believe in these times, and I can be just as guilty as the rest of you, that I have bought into the illusion and deception that my self worth, my inner security, my being comfortable in my own skin is to be found by going to people/situations/things outside of myself! There I go searching everywhere for bread crumbs of validation, love, and contentment just so I can feel I matter, I am good enough, and I am amazing! That old tape has once again whispered to me that attention from a current or potential romantic partner, spending money on some piece of art, getting 15 likes on my social media post, or my co workers or friend telling me how special I am will be the key of my missing link to fulfill those times of feeling less than, rejected, or inferior.

Way back in my precious childhood I depended on my caregivers and others and any sense of rejection or invalidation felt like the fatal stabbing of my vulnerable heart. Because many of us were repeatedly hurt, rejected, and insecure (because we did not have the handbook to be powerful warriors yet) we carried feelings of shame and guilt into adulthood with skewed perceptions of who we really were. I am not here to blame any of those in authority roles for I truly believe they each did the best they could in raising us. They did not have the handbook either! However, until we find solutions to embrace our emotional wounds and claim compassion for ourselves, we often run around seeking approval and validation from especially others. When we carry this insecure need like a sack of rocks dragging behind us and heavily on our shoulders, we search outside of ourselves for the answers. The downside to believing others can fulfill us and make us feel good about who we are is we are allowing them to determine our self worth. The consequence is we do not trust our own opinions, thoughts, and feelings . We claim in our internal sanctum others have our answers and know more then we do and their ideas are more meaningful than our own. Over repeated periods of time of carrying around this false truth, we present as needy and beg for validation outside of ourselves crying for THEM to announce we are okay!! The magical answer, however, my friends, is we each have within us the power to validate ourselves! There are times we do remember this, and we walk through our journey in this thing called life, feeling proud, contented, and inspired of the Who we have involved into and become.

Perhaps if we knew some things that will pull us out of the hole we have dug and climbed into we would experience less the need to go outside of ourselves for our self approval and self validation. We could:

Accept our emotions and feelings without judgement as each comes up.
Remember our feelings are not who we are. Feelings come and go and are always temporary. Breathe-accept and acknowledge feelings-exhale- move forward.
Affirm your authentic true self with statements such as: I am worthy. I am much more than my accomplished performed acts and my experienced failures or setbacks. I trust my inner wise person within as my intuition gives me insightful messages. I do not have to like everyone and everyone does not have to like me. We each do and will make mistakes that we can see as opportunities from which to grow.
Change your inner self talk to words and expressed communications as if you were talking to a close friend. What would you tell him/her in a similar situation?
Each time we practice giving ourself validation, self love, compassion, and acknowledging our own worth it is yet another insurance marker in lifting ourselves up and helping to need less going outside of ourselves to find our personal truth. I believe with all my heart and soul we each are so worthy and amazing. We just forgot to remember! We could even go a step further and remind one another of this !

Before we jump headfirst into the New Year, perhaps we may take some precious time to reflect upon the year we have just experienced. I honor the wisdom and teachings of those Ancient Civilizations that existed in history. Perhaps you , like I, are considering taking some of the areas of past history into your own evolutionary and revolutionary lives. Many of the great civilizations utilized technologies and techniques equal and surpassing our own. The incredible structures of pyramids, temples, and geometric designs tapped into knowledge of quantum physics that we are really just at a core beginning to integrate within our routine systems.

Even with the advanced systems and information in place ancient civilizations fell apart. There clearly were reasons for the crumbling and demise of magnificent cultures and civilizations. Primarily, greed-the obsessive need to exert Power over others-out of control egos- and divisions of the populations including sacred feminine and sacred masculine aspects, ethnicities, gender, race, and other aspects.

Perhaps, you may want to reflect upon the year and your personal experiences . In what specific ways have you demonstrated greed, obsessions to exert personal power, listening and following your ego’s suggestions, and areas you have aligned with separating yourself from other groups of people? Where did you practice more effective ways of living your life? Did you embrace nature more? Did you welcome the opportunity of stillness and quietude when changes of the world continued? How have your interpersonal relationships changed and evolved? Did you willingly or begrudgingly allow those relationships no longer aligning with your Highest Good drop ? How have your communications with yourself and with others been altered? In what ways did you express your creativity or did you resist creative activities ? Did you accomplish your set intentions or did you put various things on hold? How has your life changed ?

I personally carry an opinion for myself that if I am willing to reflect upon where I have been in my life journey and choose to learn from it without beating myself with a proverbial 2×4 , but honoring each step along the way , I can become a better version of myself.

Leonardo da Vinci said : “I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection.” When we can choose to reflect upon what worked, what did not work, and how we can creatively design a flexible (not rigid) intention of prosperity of all areas in our lives, I do believe the outcome can be brighter and more fulfilling. I welcome with hope the best me and the best you we can be so our collective vision of the best new world, not a return to the way it was, can manifest right before our very wide, curious eyes!!

I have experienced multitudes of transitions in my life. Over time I began to view these unique changes as opportunities. That does not necessarily mean I jump for joy when a new one is revealed. The good news is when I am willing to reflect upon my own past history of experiences , remembering I have not so far imploded from the inside spewing myself onto the world ,I can trudge my road of unfolding destiny more easily.

I do try to live by an attitude of gratitude even when the very old “What If Syndrome” creeps back into my thoughts. You know…What if I run out of time to get accomplished what I have intentions to do? What if I am the last standing of my blood relatives? What if …….. Looking back none of my “What ifs” stopped me from evolving into a better version of myself!

Cultivating gratitude and continuing my ongoing reprogramming of my subconscious truths has been a major solution. When I am willing to allow gratitude to infiltrate my mind, emotions, and heart my little world becomes abundantly filled with the connection of inner strength, contentment, and mystical experiences that I must be co-creating with a Divine Source even when I have not consciously asked to do so!

Long ago hearing that energy flows where attention goes encouraged me to believe every crazy occurrence really does have a silver lining, and it is my responsibility to my well being to never give up before miracles happen. Maybe you have not noticed but hundreds of miracles really do happen daily IF we get out of the way of blocking our inner eyesight from seeing them.

Here are a few things that have worked lately in the midst of my current and what seems a pretty big internal transformation…

*Bringing up in my mental memory bank in graphic details the unbelievable experiences I have been blessed to receive such as the appearance of a copper butterfly in the winter on the day of the funeral of a loved one, and recently within a week three different hawks in three different locations flew across my car as I was driving.

*Smiling to my inner heart as I send sacred love to my inner self. When I tell myself loudly that I am amazing it gives me warm fuzzies that light up my whole being. I can even tell my tear stained face I am amazing and the alchemical change turns my shadows into golden light.

*Focusing on my exhaling as I breathe deeply down to my belly and align with the breath of life that is a vital part of my body and life force I was born with! This truly helps me remember my physical existence in this world is not by accident and contains value and worth in the world.

*Using the “pause” to stop my overthinking and appreciate the standing people (aka trees), the glorious sky above me, the winged ones (birds) who come flutteringly close , and the nurturing grounding of Mother Earth beneath my feet.

*Thinking about the incredible friends that have entered my life whom I call my tribe. I am blessed with this array of like hearted people who support my vision of love and light , who stand with me through the conglomeration of the awesome, gut-wrenching, and confusions that can appear without warning. As I resonate with each of my tribe, they resonate back to me equal vibrational energy of love and respect.

Walking through changes, transitions, and transformations has taught me to be a walking example of miraculous truth even when I did not ask to be one! I am just a puzzle piece in this thing called life living among the rest of you puzzle pieces, and somehow adding gratitude to the cooking kettle of my experiences seems to lift me up to a place of knowing I can do this, but do not have to do it alone. Ahhh, I just felt that exhale of gratitude all the way down to my toes.

We humans since birth have carried a need to feel appreciated, feel connected, to be heard, and to be validated. In addition, animals and all living things carry the seed of needing connection. Connection is the thread that binds us, the invisible thread we each crave that confirms we are not separate entities because we are really One. Oneness cannot be faked. Connection with the living world is the solution. Disconnection is the problem.

I believe the majority of people think real authentic connections can only exist if we are good enough, kind enough, and giving enough. Isn’t that what religions taught from Day 1….instilling fear of being forever punished if we do not meet those criteria?I propose that if we are willing to be vulnerable, to show up in community and for each other, to extend our hand and hugs , to not give up because we have been hurt, but to open ourselves again and repeatedly as active participants in living life as it unfolds instead of trying to be in control of how we and others are supposed to behave as if we had a copy of a script to live by. 

Not only did we become disconnected from each other, many of us also have been disconnected from ourselves! Then we carried that disconnect to being disconnected with the one facet we need so much: a connection with Nature!

How did we become disconnected? We may have been children who expressed the curious wonder of life only to be told by a parent , teacher, or others that we were being silly, not focused on what is important, and as a result not valued. We tried to live our lives molded from values or ideas taught by our caregivers but are no longer sure we actually believe those ideas anymore…but we continue to live out of taught ideas that compromise our core present values! We have bought into the fears that someone else has a better way of living life fully and we try to copy what we perceive they are doing only to subconsciously know this is not who we really are! We grew up in a culture or family being told how we were supposed to act in multi areas and when we were rewarded with approval through love and acceptance by others for doing these things we were still discontent because inwardly we knew we were living the life of someone who was not the person we were! We created a series of mantras and stored them in our subconscious brain and used them as a whipping post of self punishment ( I should be…. If I were worthy I would be doing…….. If I were more like …… I would be successful, etc.) The result :DISCONNECTION from self and relatiionships.

How do we re-connect now and find inner peace and happiness ? Begin by setting the intention to listen to our body and our thoughts without judgement. Watch our feelings just float by as if on puffy clouds in the sky. No need to do anything with feelings and thoughts…just observe and notice. Connect back with ourself by participating in calming activities such as walking in nature, doing creative little things such as coloring-drawing-writing; Listen to music that feels great; Notice how you feel during these times. Create a self love and self compassion practice. Ask: what can I do right now that gives me evidence I am loving myself more? Once we have reconnected with ourself, we can extend this feeling to connecting with others. 

Reconnect with others by communicating wants and needs with vulnerability. Present your true self not your false self who has thought you knew what someone else expected of you. Allow your radiant self to shine and accentuate your true personality. Life is not a test! Embrace the joy and pleasure of being who you are! Assess if you keep connecting with others who truly are not resonating with you or you with them. Let them go. This is the best use of disconnecting. Once we are living our true selves, other like hearted souls will show up! 

Lastly, reconnect with nature. It is well researched and documented that the effects of nature upon human beings cause deep flourishing aspects to us each socially, psychologically, and emotionally. It will help each of us to cultivate and expand our creativity, resilience, and calm our anxious nervous systems! We need nature . Nature connections will create new neural pathways in our brains, release years of stress, and awaken our sense of belonging . Remember we are One!

Connections are the great solution and disconnections are the blocks.