The Adventures Awaiting When We Embrace Unknown

I was born loving the magical element of Change. Most people want to maintain the familiar, the status quo, the predictable. Even though I often state I love change I do get that rush of adrenaline when change happens. I also have this little Fear-Girl who lives somewhere in my belly that gets twinges of resistance when change happens, but that has never completely stopped me from wanting to jump out of my routine existence. I think the mystery of wanting to tap into the unknown reminds me when I was a kid believing a monster was hiding under my bed, me wanting to peek to see if it was, being scared to look, but trembling with fear…leaning down and looking anyway!

My upbringing was pretty much routine so I did not inherit this trait from my family of wanting to be a risk taker and experience adventures. Maybe because I was born with strong intuition as a visionary, different from many peers, wanting to get the rush that comes jumping out of my skin when I came across mystically strange things that I welcome the unknown, most of the time. Then I have this conflict…in spite of relishing change part of me wants to know not how things are going to happen, but wanting to know how people and situations are going to behave and act when things change! I have carried this illusion for much of my life that I am supposed to know ahead of time how they and it will unfold before the actual event arrives! One of the greatest gifts that came to me when the world changed in 2020 was the truth that I do not know how anyone or anything is going to respond or unfold in a future time…be it 10 minutes, a year, or a decade from now. Thus, the secrets of the unknown is hidden from me. Especially in the last three years I have begun to embrace knowing I don’t know, and instead of trying to Control the uncontrollable I return repeatedly to this place of accepting the magical aspects of embracing the unknown! My exception usually though is still wanting to know if my romantic interest, whoever that happens to be at the time, will still be fascinated with my uniqueness. That issue…will continue to manifest in the future!

My creative personality that chooses to embrace the unknown has evolved to shift sandwiched by a few points:

  • Everything is temporary even though we may want it to be permanent. We fear that things will not last forever, and they will not! Once I can change my mindset into accepting this fact with the mantra “This to shall pass” I am a bit more comfortable with the walking into the unknown.
  • Times I have come face to face with the need to surrender old ways of doing my life because how I am doing it just is not working I initially have that Fear-Girl show up as I wonder….but who will I be if I let go of this or them? However, my own history provides evidence to me to that letting go of my old ideas, ways, and attachments always has been a path of Light with more authenticity and an even better version of myself. 
  • Those situations , those losses, those unpredictable life, health, financial, love situations that happened when the Universe threw an unexpected Monkey Wrench at me (*ahem * without by the way asking my permission or approval) that I actually survived through them and climbed out of the quicksand of the experience proved how resilient I really am in the face of the Unknown.

My inner obstacles all have been wrapped around with my trying to live in the past that already happened or the future that may never get here, my overthinking that just makes me crazier, my lack of believing in the ability of myself to handle anything that comes my way, or my resistance in embracing that stepping out of my comfort zone will lead to greater contentment.

When I embrace the unknown as something magical and something I have absolutely no control over, it gets pretty exciting to see how it shows up, to be my own witness of new possibilities , and to allow myself to be open to amazing wonders I never saw coming! I think I will keep canoodling with the unknown and jump off the next proverbial cliff with my arms outstretched as I fly with the wind, carrying my little Fear-Girl in a safe pouch inside me laughing all the way to the next destination of my journey in this thing I call my Sacred Life. 

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Finally Letting Go Of The Stale Things In Life

How often so many of us hold on to ideas, situations, people, and things we love. Over time we may have attached to different aspects that initially we claimed to love and adore. Our attachment often is sandwiched in emotional clinging and refusal to surrender and let go. I remember a poster I had in college that hung on the wall of my dorm room. It was a picture of a cat with big claw marks and the wording was “Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks on it”. As I reflect upon my past I can see how often life brought me jobs, people, ideas, things, etc. in order to offer inspirational opportunities that came to me for me to learn from and then move on. However, way too many times, I wanted to not let go, and as a result did not move forward with grace until I was able to wake up a bit in order to embrace many personal truths .

So many times I did not see the BIG PICTURE nor the forest for the trees. I wanted to cling madly to these things as if my life depended upon it. It took me a very long time, one filled often with pain due to my resistance in surrendering , for me to learn letting go is a major catalyst in my owning the gift of the opportunity of what showed up . Once I really wrapped my head around the personal truth that Divine Source or the Universe had presented me with this thing to learn and grow from I became very adept in releasing and surrendering. In my present life it has become much easier to let go without attaching emotions or my “claw marks” to most people, situations, and things. Maybe it became easier because I finally saw how much energy it took to hang on to things and people that no longer resonated with my core values or maybe it was because I finally began walking my talk of wanting to go with the flow in knowing letting go is a huge act of self love.

Accepting what is and is not in my highest good has taken lots of inner work . Several facets were revealed to me over time. Key were the following: forgiving myself for continuing to participate in situations that had long passed serving me that I kept being part of as well as a need to forgive others for their part (in my lessons!) when I perceived them to be the problem; willingness to accept the powerful experience from people-places-things by not holding onto any of it and allowing it to fuel my stepping forward into a better version of myself; allowing myself to feel and acknowledge the feelings attached to the experiences first, and then surrendering the players and props on the stage of the lesson presented ; grieving the loss of people and situations as part of the human experience when I finally let go; and practicing self care by having the things I have surrendered to be replaced with a deeper kind of self love. Practicing mindfulness meditation and becoming one with the natural world (nature, the great teacher) has brought forward so many of these gifts when and only when I set the intention to live my life differently than I had in the past.

When we refuse to let go of those things we know deep in our hearts that need to go, we will only keep recycling our pain and fear , staying stuck in the quicksand of being in the same place or attracting the same person with a different face. I have come to believe it is not loyalty and love to refuse to surrender a situation, idea, or person that is blocking me from the sunlight of the Spirit of my own happiness . I cannot grow and glow if I am staying attached to something I really have outgrown and learned from. Once I really get this..and it is a very long distance from my head to my heart , and I finally give up the fight and struggle, and claim “enough is enough”, surrender and not look back, I have given myself the proverbial key out of my self imposed cell of unhappiness . That key is called freedom and for me today freedom is a requirement to living a magical life. The exhale that came with this life of learning truly makes my heart sing, and I am excited to watch more amazing things to come!!!

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A Relationship Of Importance: The One We Have With Ourself

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Pulling Myself Up By My Bootstraps

There have been two significant times of the year throughout my life that major shifts and changes have occurred that keep repeating in cycles of time. One has been a series of Decembers. The other has been between Mid March to Mid April. Decembers : December,1977 Graduated with Bachelor’s Degree. December,1984 Graduated with Master’s Degree. Several Decembers made big geographical moves. March/April: March-April 1964 Awakened from recovery of double pneumonia that almost took my life. April, 1991 Participated in a therapy group for childhood trauma and almost 90% of then friendships walked away from me. No one was mad or upset..just one of those big changes for me. April, 2017 had a major brain bleed and hematoma with no symptoms with an out of body experience at 3 weeks post brain surgery requiring no rehab stay because of miraculous healing!

I started driving across the USA to Chaco Canyon, New Mexico on a solo retreat around February-March in 2015, and continued to make this solo trip yearly with the most recent one ending in March , 2023. This experience continues to change my life for the better! This year I had just returned from New Mexico, and changes that occurred when a person I thought was close to me had stopped returning any correspondences with me without giving me a reason and a person I considered a mentor died from an ongoing medical condition.

I allowed the feelings to surface both from huge internal shifts in consciousness and from losses of people from my life. The past week I have been doing deep inner work and processing all these events. As I have done in my past I felt the twinges of uncomfortableness within yet knew change is such a great catalyst for stepping further into my personal power and pushing of an increased visionary evidence of why I am alive at this time in the world. I had to find those proverbial bootstraps and pull myself up once again. Believe me I reached out to several of those I call my tribe, but when I am needing to find my bootstraps there is no human to call on for help as I must do this inner journey myself. Yes, I have the support of those I trust but there are times I think we each must rely on Divine Source and our own inner strength that is always waiting in the depths of our soul.

The world has definitely changed in the past few years. I think we each have a choice. We can become an ostrich ,head in sand, and ignore what is being revealed right in front of our eyes. We can become angry and regurgitate repeatedly what we see as unjust and unfair. We can allow our fear to permeate all our decisions and choices and dive deeply into depression with some of us using addictions to cope. OR we can pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and embrace our inner strength that we were born with, becoming our own Ancestral Light that serves to radiate the Truth for ourselves as well as a beacon out of Darkness for others.

I am not content to sit back and let fear and anger rule my inner world. At one time I did not know a way out. Today my persistence and ongoing journey to becoming a better version of myself and a visionary leader in a confused world is the path I choose to take. Living in the moment, remembering I do not need to know how any of it will unfold continues to be the force that moves me forward. I am grateful I know I still have those bootstraps…sometimes they get hidden but they always are revealed to me if I do not give up before the absolute truth is revealed. This gives me hope, and I hope it offers you a ray of light if you find yourself in a darkened hallway.

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The Ancient Teachings of Winter

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Are you practicing self abandonment ? How is that possible when you are always with you, taking yourself into all relationships, all situations? When we reject, ignore our needs and conscious desires, value time and energy we give others but do not value ourselves, criticize and judge ourselves with demeaning words and thoughts, and do not choose decisions and actions in our best and highest good, we are abandoning ourselves. We may intellectually comprehend what we want and need, yet choose to abandon and ignore those very things that would demonstrate self love and self compassion. 

An example of how this looks. We arrive home after hours of doing a project or working long hours. Feeling tired and low energy, we just want to veg out on the couch and chill. We get a text or a phone call from our friend who wants to vent about her finances, her partnership, or her parent. Instead of giving yourself self time after the tremendously draining day you have experienced you immediately return the text or answer the phone call. After all your friend needs your great support and comfort. You don’t want to let her down so in spite of the fact you have no energy to give one more bit to another living being, yet you engage in the conversation with this person. Not only are you teaching said friend how to treat you…that her needs always come first, but you are also abandoning your own . Now , of course , being the kind person who wants to show all your willingness to listen and be there for those we care about is not a bad way to live our life. However, when this is a chronic and consistent pattern to make others and/or the job a priority , to put yourself and your needs on the back burner (thinking you will give yourself self care later after you attend to this friend), you return that text or call. You never want to let that person down . When we repeatedly do this behavior every time we are needed by another we are creating a pattern called people pleasing. We have taught others by our actions that no matter if we are sick, exhausted, or needing what we can only give to ourselves– self care and self love– we will put our needs on hold for our partner, our friends, our loved onesor a work/ volunteer commitment .

Another scenario: we have been a social worker or other helping occupation for many years. We awaken to the truth that what really will bring us inner contentment and happiness is to follow our dream since early adulthood of being an artist. We share that with our partner or trusted friend. The response we receive is not supportive. or they do not even respond! Instead of pursuing our dream we stuff our desires deep down within often to make things comfortable and smooth sailing for our partner/friend. This behavior is not demonstrating that we value ourselves more than the opinion of another. We are practicing self abandonment in action.

Self abandonment shows up when our culture, society, or people close to us have certain expectations of us and our real needs and desires directly oppose those expectations, and we choose to follow the expectations of others, making a conscious choice to put our own internal desires on hold.

If you resonate with the following characteristics of self abandonment , perhaps this is your wake-up call to make different choices in order to value and empower yourself.

What self abandonment looks like in daily routines and life:  * Hiding pieces of your authentic self: not sharing your true feelings as you give up your goals and interests that inspire you and not trusting your choices.  *People pleasing: searching for validation of who you are, what you want to do in order to please and make another happy*Squashing, running from and burying feelings of not being comfortable in your own skin through denial, avoidance, distractions, workaholism and busy-ness or using mind altering substances * Not following your core values : Going along with others to keep things peaceful even when your values are being compromised * Not verbalizing to speak up for what you need: fear of setting and reinforcing needed boundaries as you allow others in any area of your life to take advantage of you * Refusing to respect and honor your own needs and desires: No consistent self care or even believing you do not deserve self care in the present moment *Perfectionism: Only feeling secure and worthy based on how much you accomplish and get done on a daily /weekly basis

Origin of Self Abandonment is usually from our family of origin or adult role models who emotionally, physically, or mentally were not present for us. The result we carried into adulthood showed up as feeling less than, unworthy, and undeserving of love and respect. This pattern , unless resolved, creates a subconscious one in which we choose friends, bosses, partners who are unsupportive and who do not really value us . Furthermore, we apply this pattern to ourselves! We are clueless of how to be our own best friend and cheerleader in life because we had no one present for us in our developmental stages as children when self esteem, self love, self value would have been molded for the positive creation of healthy, positive patterns.

The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself! You can choose starting right now to stop abandoning yourself and begin creating a partnership of love with yourself. Here are some ideas:

Ask before acting these questions: Is what I am about to do an act of self love without my influence of guilt, obligation, or shameful fear? If there were no others in the world but me, would I still follow through on this decision and action? What do I need right now and am I willing to either ask for it or to give it to myself? 

Give yourself permission to be your true , eccentric self expressing and acting with creativity in how you dress, what you do for fun, how you pursue your passions, and how you show affection and intimacy. Choose to give yourself compassion instead of critical judgment of what you label inadequate shortcomings. Honor failures equally with successes. Who lives in your head that demands you must be perfect?

Finally, listen to your body and notice your feelings when you feel challenged. Know that all humans at times suffer and have difficult stages in life. When we acknowledge this, we are more likely to connect with others who also are demonstrating they, too , are human. Above all else be your number One cheerleader and advocate. When we stand up for ourself we teach others to do the same for themselves! Aren’t we after all worth it!

Are you practicing self abandonment ? How is that possible when you are always with you, taking yourself into all relationships, all situations? When we reject, ignore our needs and conscious desires, value time and energy we give others but do not value ourselves, criticize and judge ourselves with demeaning words and thoughts, and do not choose decisions and actions in our best and highest good, we are abandoning ourselves. We may intellectually comprehend what we want and need, yet choose to abandon and ignore those very things that would demonstrate self love and self compassion.

An example of how this looks. We arrive home after hours of doing a project or working long hours. Feeling tired and low energy, we just want to veg out on the couch and chill. We get a text or a phone call from our friend who wants to vent about her finances, her partnership, or her parent. Instead of giving yourself self time after the tremendously draining day you have experienced you immediately return the text or answer the phone call. After all your friend needs your great support and comfort. You don’t want to let her down so in spite of the fact you have no energy to give one more bit to another living being, yet you engage in the conversation with this person. Not only are you teaching said friend how to treat you…that her needs always come first, but you are also abandoning your own . Now , of course , being the kind person who wants to show all your willingness to listen and be there for those we care about is not a bad way to live our life. However, when this is a chronic and consistent pattern to make others and/or the job a priority , to put yourself and your needs on the back burner (thinking you will give yourself self care later after you attend to this friend), you return that text or call. You never want to let that person down . When we repeatedly do this behavior every time we are needed by another we are creating a pattern called people pleasing. We have taught others by our actions that no matter if we are sick, exhausted, or needing what we can only give to ourselves– self care and self love– we will put our needs on hold for our partner, our friends, our loved ones, or a work/ volunteer commitment .

Another scenario: we have been a social worker or other helping occupation for many years. We awaken to the truth that what really will bring us inner contentment and happiness is to follow our dream since early adulthood of being an artist. We share that with our partner or trusted friend. The response we receive is not supportive. or they do not even respond! Instead of pursuing our dream we stuff our desires deep down within often to make things comfortable and smooth sailing for our partner/friend. This behavior is not demonstrating that we value ourselves more than the opinion of another. We are practicing self abandonment in action.

Self abandonment shows up when our culture, society, or people close to us have certain expectations of us and our real needs and desires directly oppose those expectations, and we choose to follow the expectations of others, making a conscious choice to put our own internal desires on hold.

If you resonate with the following characteristics of self abandonment , perhaps this is your wake-up call to make different choices in order to value and empower yourself.

What self abandonment looks like in daily routines and life: * Hiding pieces of your authentic self: not sharing your true feelings as you give up your goals and interests that inspire you and not trusting your choices. *People pleasing: searching for validation of who you are, what you want to do in order to please and make another happy *Squashing, running from and burying feelings of not being comfortable in your own skin through denial, avoidance, distractions, workaholism and busy-ness or using mind altering substances * Not following your core values : Going along with others to keep things peaceful even when your values are being compromised * Not verbalizing to speak up for what you need: fear of setting and reinforcing needed boundaries as you allow others in any area of your life to take advantage of you * Refusing to respect and honor your own needs and desires: No consistent self care or even believing you do not deserve self care in the present moment *Perfectionism: Only feeling secure and worthy based on how much you accomplish and get done on a daily /weekly basis

Origin of Self Abandonment is usually from our family of origin or adult role models who emotionally, physically, or mentally were not present for us. The result we carried into adulthood showed up as feeling less than, unworthy, and undeserving of love and respect. This pattern , unless resolved, creates a subconscious one in which we choose friends, bosses, partners who are unsupportive and who do not really value us . Furthermore, we apply this pattern to ourselves! We are clueless of how to be our own best friend and cheerleader in life because we had no one present for us in our developmental stages as children when self esteem, self love, self value would have been molded for the positive creation of healthy, positive patterns.

The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself! You can choose starting right now to stop abandoning yourself and begin creating a partnership of love with yourself. Here are some ideas:

Ask before acting these questions: Is what I am about to do an act of self love without my influence of guilt, obligation, or shameful fear? If there were no others in the world but me, would I still follow through on this decision and action? What do I need right now and am I willing to either ask for it or to give it to myself?

Give yourself permission to be your true , eccentric self expressing and acting with creativity in how you dress, what you do for fun, how you pursue your passions, and how you show affection and intimacy. Choose to give yourself compassion instead of critical judgment of what you label inadequate shortcomings. Honor failures equally with successes. Who lives in your head that demands you must be perfect?

Finally, listen to your body and notice your feelings when you feel challenged. Know that all humans at times suffer and have difficult stages in life. When we acknowledge this, we are more likely to connect with others who also are demonstrating they, too , are human. Above all else be your number One cheerleader and advocate. When we stand up for ourself we teach others to do the same for themselves! Aren’t we after all worth it!

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Embracing The Exhale



Aug 2, 2022


In my quest of the current journey of my life to uncover ancient wisdom and ideas to remain calm and return to that sacred space of being comfortable within my own skin multitudes of solutions appear…usually in my Dreamtime. There was a long period of time these solutions only came in those times of meditation . I cannot tell you when this awareness changed for I have been writing about my night dreams for eons. I have also been practicing mindfulness meditation for 36 years. When it happened for me I believe an internal shift made itself known to my conscious mind and I was pleasantly surprised to welcome that almost mystical place that probably has always been available ..that amazing place existing between my dreamtime space and my meditations.

Have you ever noticed , especially since the world changed, that you could be feeling fantastic, happy and carefree when suddenly you are surrounded by a sudden episode of anxiety and highly charged emotions? Sometimes mine comes on when I am watching or listening to a speaker from their podium (especially those who claim to be healers or spiritual leaders) . I am referring to the negative aura exuding from some speakers or writers whose energy seems to overtake not only myself but the whole audience! Being a life long empath, I pick up on how others around me are being affected. Then there are those times this happens when I am triggered by hearing of suffering in the world caused by despairing events of viruses, starving cultures, greed, and uncaring political people. When this experience occurs I feel this inner tension start building in my belly right at my diaphragm and it moves up my spine into my heart. Overwhelm takes over and my feet feel they are immobilized as if in quicksand.

Having lived through the revolutionary sixties when we demanded social change and often aggressive violence tried to push us back into our holes of non resistance , that old fear can pop out. For the longest time I did not know how to handle those times of anxiety and confusion UNTIL my journeys to the otherworlds and other dimensions started appearing in the dreamtime place.

I am blessed to be a visionary dreamer and most of the time I can understand the messages presented, and see that even my perceived nightmares hold solutions in my waking hours! If I do not understand I have a couple of highly intuitive people in my world I can call on for an interpretation.

One of my reoccurring messages has been to embrace the exhale. Now many will say it is best to also embrace the inhale , but I have found by doing a modified version of the Tong Len practice by visualizing and holding all those intense emotions in a box I create in my mind then EXHALE with a huge wind noise and my audible primal scream , blowing them out into a huge ceremonial fire I imagine ,seeing they are consumed by the fire, and transformed into self love and Light! Embracing the Exhale solutions is beyond incredible. There are many other examples and techniques of embracing the exhale that have come to me.

The exhale is the beyond -surrender. Knowing I have a choice to surrender by embracing my exhale has pushed me out of so many internal conflicts. I use it with people who try to focus their ill will and negative opinions on me, with my questions of why the world has become like it has , with conflicts of my deepest connections I have with others, and when I read angry, resentful statements spoken by both strangers and known others.

Once I embrace the exhale, I then can return to my wonderful calmness and my breathing is sandwiched in my peace. I once again enter that self loving place of being a better version of myself.

I can hardly wait to go to sleep every night to get the pleasure of hearing yet another idea that my great intelligent mind never dreamed of and hear the ancient and unworldly beings download me with something new!

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Claiming Peace In A Chaotic World

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Stop Looking Outside Of Yourself For Your Security

Have you ever been doing your practices and activities that work to keep you in balance only out of the blue those inner demons jump out with pitchfork in hand, poking holes in your happiness? I truly believe in these times, and I can be just as guilty as the rest of you, that I have bought into the illusion and deception that my self worth, my inner security, my being comfortable in my own skin is to be found by going to people/situations/things outside of myself! There I go searching everywhere for bread crumbs of validation, love, and contentment just so I can feel I matter, I am good enough, and I am amazing! That old tape has once again whispered to me that attention from a current or potential romantic partner, spending money on some piece of art, getting 15 likes on my social media post, or my co workers or friend telling me how special I am will be the key of my missing link to fulfill those times of feeling less than, rejected, or inferior.

Way back in my precious childhood I depended on my caregivers and others and any sense of rejection or invalidation felt like the fatal stabbing of my vulnerable heart. Because many of us were repeatedly hurt, rejected, and insecure (because we did not have the handbook to be powerful warriors yet) we carried feelings of shame and guilt into adulthood with skewed perceptions of who we really were. I am not here to blame any of those in authority roles for I truly believe they each did the best they could in raising us. They did not have the handbook either! However, until we find solutions to embrace our emotional wounds and claim compassion for ourselves, we often run around seeking approval and validation from especially others. When we carry this insecure need like a sack of rocks dragging behind us and heavily on our shoulders, we search outside of ourselves for the answers. The downside to believing others can fulfill us and make us feel good about who we are is we are allowing them to determine our self worth. The consequence is we do not trust our own opinions, thoughts, and feelings . We claim in our internal sanctum others have our answers and know more then we do and their ideas are more meaningful than our own. Over repeated periods of time of carrying around this false truth, we present as needy and beg for validation outside of ourselves crying for THEM to announce we are okay!! The magical answer, however, my friends, is we each have within us the power to validate ourselves! There are times we do remember this, and we walk through our journey in this thing called life, feeling proud, contented, and inspired of the Who we have involved into and become.

Perhaps if we knew some things that will pull us out of the hole we have dug and climbed into we would experience less the need to go outside of ourselves for our self approval and self validation. We could:

Accept our emotions and feelings without judgement as each comes up.
Remember our feelings are not who we are. Feelings come and go and are always temporary. Breathe-accept and acknowledge feelings-exhale- move forward.
Affirm your authentic true self with statements such as: I am worthy. I am much more than my accomplished performed acts and my experienced failures or setbacks. I trust my inner wise person within as my intuition gives me insightful messages. I do not have to like everyone and everyone does not have to like me. We each do and will make mistakes that we can see as opportunities from which to grow.
Change your inner self talk to words and expressed communications as if you were talking to a close friend. What would you tell him/her in a similar situation?
Each time we practice giving ourself validation, self love, compassion, and acknowledging our own worth it is yet another insurance marker in lifting ourselves up and helping to need less going outside of ourselves to find our personal truth. I believe with all my heart and soul we each are so worthy and amazing. We just forgot to remember! We could even go a step further and remind one another of this !

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