Co-Existing With Grief

I have had my share of losses in my lifetime…two romantic partners whom I walked beside as they left this world , all my uncles and aunts except one, all grandparents, both my parents, several devoted cats and dogs, friendships, jobs, homes, and the list is endless.

No one in my educational settings or in my family of origin taught me anything about how to cope with grieving losses or how to resolve any of them. I have , at times, gone to professional practitioners who helped me find workable techniques when I acknowledged specific losses. There are so many types of losses I never considered until I began extensive traveling. Making connections with strangers, lands I have not previously known, other cultures helped me to understand further about the losses most do not even begin to fathom!

In the past month I have listened as four people I knew intimately shared they were coping well with various losses as I observed they were only stuffing their feelings deep within only to begin acting out of their pain and unresolved grief at inappropriate moments. Each of these people , by the way, also as long as I have known them have demonstrated great efforts to be “in control” of their lives (and often the lives of others!).

Before you jump to the conclusion I am standing in judgment of these people, let me tell you I am fully aware no one can affect me by their actions unless it comes to teach me something about myself! I hold a belief that there is a Spiritual Mirror that exaggerates the actions of others so that I cannot miss it! When I am in Spiritual Alignment with the Divine, I can be grateful for the projections others show me, and take the opportunity of the lesson presented to my Sponge Within who wishes to learn and integrate as much as I can in this lifetime.

The Spiritual Mirror works like this: If someone exaggerates the wonderful qualities I love such as kindness, service to humanity, and compassion and I immediately feel a kindred connection with that person…it is because I have those same qualities within me. When a person demonstrates in a most exaggerated manner things I detest: the illusion of control, unresolved grief, anger, frustration, judgement, pointing the finger at my/other’s behaviors, etc. it is only because I have now or did have those same qualities or defects of character within me that I am not accepting and honoring in myself. To honor my shadow is a wonderful act of courage! Either way….that person comes to teach me more about myself, and I can either thank them in my head or I can find them objectionable.

The unresolved grief I witness in my travels and in my community life show me there is a prevalence in our society of it. In my short 66 years of living I have come to believe that I can either acknowledge my own grief when it comes up in the present moment or I can attempt to practice the illusion of controlling it, stuffing it as deeply within my body as possible . Sooner or later it will come up in a few ways: one is I will pay the consequences of unresolved grief in the creation of physical and/or emotional sickness within my body and spirit ; Two I will vent and act out hurting people I trust and those I do not trust because I am in pain; or three, I will be uncomfortable in my own skin and will ultimately have given up my choice to be at peaceful freedom.

Fortunately, I have FINALLY become willing to develop a daily practice in which I look at my day with as much fine tooth combing as I possibly can before I enter my dreamtime. Secondly I have FINALLY become willing to get real by becoming vulnerable with myself and with all meaningful relationships acknowledging my feelings and actions as they each emerge. Knowing I do not do this perfectly , but knowing I do carry the daily intention to surrender my old ways of thinking and doing, I believe I have a clearer sense on how to co-exist with my own grief on so many levels.

Losses of all types will continue in our worlds and grief will continue to emerge in a spiral on its own terms . Our opportunity is to work with both aspects and co exist by becoming more vulnerable regardless of any fears that live within. I have hope that this old world and its inhabitants has a BIG chance to heal. I walk my journey with that belief.

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April Usui-Holy Fire 2 Reiki Levels 1 and 2 in Charlottesville CLASSES

Holy Fire 1 Reiki Levels 1 and 2 Certification Classes !
April 28-29 Where: McIntire Plaza, Charlottesville, VA above Circa
Contact: info@heartvibrationshealing.com for questions and registration
***You can take both classes or just one **** Discount if you take both classes in same weekend*****

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The Gifts In The Awareness of Duality

I have spent the past month traveling by car from the East Coast of the USA to the desert  lands I love in the Southwest. When I go to certain sacred places in New Mexico I connect with the spirits of the land and waters and enter a high vibrational state of being. I hike alone and sit in nature. Doing this yearly solo retreat empowers me to leave the world as I know it behind, and feeds my soul completely. Going into a meditative alignment with nature is crucial for me, and I wish all people would make the intention to enter a similar sacred journey. Our elder ancestors knew the power of vision quests, being alone in the elements. We have forgotten so much in the name of progress. 

For me, however, going to a high vibrational spiritual center that I enter is so completely opposite from the busy , chaotic world that we each live in. It always takes me a while to integrate back into my home environment. I have a feeling of sadness and emptiness for the first few days of my return. I think this feeling comes from my soul remembering its true nature when I am not distracted by the chaotic world that our planet has become. 

Once I feel grounded and balanced again I am fed new inspirations from the places I have visited. I think spiritual awakenings are like this or at least in my experiences they are! 

Recently a wise friend was discussing with me the duality nature that human beings live out of. She suggested bringing the magical transformative Power of where I have been into the geographic location of where I live. I actually had never considered this possibility for like most of you, I live a majority of my existence in duality , separating myself from the spiritual world in the realm I reside within on a daily basis. 

As I have begun integrating the high vibrational spiritual feelings and experiences with my home base environment I have felt more at ease. I am starting to feel my heart smiling into my soul as I continue in the moment making the intention to not be in two places at once, but to actually live in the high vibrational environment as I stay present in my neighborhood where I reside! 

Learning to listen to the space between our heartbeats as we incorporate the teachings of nature and the planet could be as important and crucial as slowing down to connect with each breath we take! That being said, I think I will start adding those two active disciplines into my daily life. 

Making the intention to first accept my positive side with  my dark shadowy side then adding new disciplines I find that really work not only help me to be an improved version of myself but also may mirror back to the reflection of each of you that I see. Making these soul connections equally with my brothers and sisters who co-create this world with me just seems the right thing to do!

Carry on, my readers as we continue to re-discover the magical elements of this thing we call our life! 

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Reiki Classes Offered in Charlottesville, Virginia area!!!

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Holy Fire 1 Reiki Levels 1 and 2 Certification Classes !
When: Saturday-Sunday, March 24-25, 2018 9:30-5:00pm (1 hour lunch on your own)
Where: McIntire Plaza, Charlottesville, VA above Circa
Contact: info@heartvibrationshealing.com for questions and registration
***You can take both classes or just one ****

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Holy Fire Reiki Blessings

We Freely Send You Reiki Blessings and Healing Facilitations to Use As Needed. May You Find The Peace You Seek. We are here to assist you as your guide in finding the peace, tranquility, and inner love that is accessible within your Beautiful, Divine Self!

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Choosing To Release All In The Name Of Personal Freedom

Having experienced in the past three months the deaths of both my elderly parents I was inspired to take a three week adventure to Scotland. This journey turned out to be the greatest transformation of my life! It did include mystical and magical experiences, but even greater than those was the inner transmutation of people and ideas that I previously had hung onto tightly! I have come to believe that an annual thorough house cleaning of my inner being and those I allow to remain in my life is crucial for me to continue on my pathway to personal freedom.

The outer isles of Scotland with her oceans and rivers provided the background for me to reach deeply into my soul’s prior journeys in order for my spirit to soar at its greatest elevations of change. It takes much courage to dive all the way to the bottom levels of one’s existence…to become willing to embrace completely the intentions and motivations of the past.

As I began recovering from feeling the pangs of loss of both my 94 year old parents leaving this earth a mere 27 days apart I simultaneously stepped into complete freedom of owning not only my true mission on this planet but also walked into the beginning stages of embracing my total personal power. This was the legacy my parents passed over to me , and I saw it clearly!

You may wonder how one gets to the place where willingness to release familiar faces and ideas can be not only faced but acted upon, especially at the same time of experiencing one of the greatest losses of a lifetime. Transformation has its price, but it also has its rewards.

As I was seeing outer situations of a leader of my country daily making accusations, exuding chaotic messages without taking into account or responsibility of his own personal errors; and, other well known powerful people’s once hidden transgressions being brought out from the dark shadows of secretive agendas and actions, I saw how necessary it was for me to journey into the depths of my shadow self , into hidden feelings of shame and guilt stemming from my youngest memories up to the present. Dearest reader, I will tell you I have done much inner work in my adulthood looking at my past with all its ramifications, but this deep housecleaning went into the cobwebs of the Hades of my awarenesses.

Being in a foreign land surrounded by extreme beauty with no familiar persons by my side I had no distractions and could dive deeply into the recesses and quicksand of my mental-emotional-spiritual consciousness. I knew I had to take complete responsibility for decisions, thoughts, and actions of my total life up to this point. And, take responsibility I did!

The Standing Stones of Callanish on the Isles of Lewis stood before me one day and I allowed , even through great surprise for an initiation of sort , to transcend me. I owned, embraced, and welcomed all parts of my being…the shadows, the light, the secrets I had even kept from myself…and arose into my freedom of transfiguration of the Seduction of My Soul!

In the midst of this life altering experience I walked away and released a person whom had served a role as an alternative teacher, a person who in the 12 years I had known her not once had acknowledged or recognized who I really was and had not once complimented me on the talents I was born with. Then another whom I had considered a friend since 2011 was revealed to me to be a mirror of all my shadows, and I released her from my circle of confidantes. Both of these people were greatly important to me at one time but in my transformation I saw how I had allowed them to treat me with the same disrespect I had been treating myself at times…times when I would dishonor, shame, and put myself down.

Being in gratitude for the awarenesses of people who were my great teachers, as I surrendered the need to have them in my life, I visually saw how I have come full circle from a scared child into a fully empowered Visionary Healing Facilitator dedicated to standing for the planet, for humanity, and for myself!

I am now free from all emotional, mental, spiritual anguish I ever carried. I am free to be present , compassionate, and joyous in this world as it is. I am free to give myself love and light equally as I offer it to others in a manner of equality instead of believing I needed to save anyone from their own pathway. No one needs saving. We each only need to love deeply , giving complete love to all aspects of ourselves and in turn sending that love out to all brothers and sisters…who are each part of us. May you find your own peace within as you muster your own courage to dive all the way into the depths of your beautiful souls.

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When Transformation Becomes the Ordinary Experience For Each Of Us!


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OCTOBER 2017
I have been granted seeing through a new lens of perception over the past 11 months! It began for me right before the election of Donald J. Trump followed by my watching what seemed to be chaos and turmoil , as many people all over the world put on a cloak of fear and anger.

I watched as thousands of refugees all over the world were ostracized and turned away. I listened in anguish as young Afro-American males faced the highest rate of police killings in 2016. I was shocked to hear that an actor who portrayed a gentle, loving role model on television in the 1980’s was accused by a multitude of women of sexual assault . I observed social media turning into a frenzy of friends spouting hatred and anger toward each other as opposing beliefs and opinions spread like wildfire. I cried in despair to hear of mass killings all over the world as mentally ill and raging murderers obtained arsenals of weapons. In my hometown of Charlottesville, Virginia I was overwhelmed with grief when a group of White Nationalists came into this peaceful town and inflicted violence and extreme racial prejudice. Then came a series of hurricanes and earthquakes affecting not only my country, but other parts of the world.

Other unforeseen incidents occurred that all together seemed like a horror movie unfolding daily. What possible good could be extracted from these scenes? I am here as a witness to the silver lining in spite of the surface insanity! I was given a new pair of glasses to view the world because I believed what I was observing was not what it appeared to be! The silver lining is this in a nutshell….that which was covered underneath decades of denial is now out in the open. Racial prejudice, gender bias, media exaggeration, hatred, and political greed is no longer hidden under a proverbial rock. We can thank the current government administration for being the dark force that has allowed the cracks of light to shine into every living room and into every heart .

In my perception I am grateful…not grateful for the deaths, for the harm, for the abuse of people and the planet …but grateful that the transformation of the majority of us walking around like ostriches with our heads stuck in sand have slowly yet continually awakened ! The transformation is an everyday event….it is becoming a common occurrence of an ordinary experience! We are living in an onslaught of miraculous events that stem from daily activities. The number of us who know without a doubt that no one is going to save us , not our government, not our ancestors, not our religions is increasing weekly. Like hearted people are embracing the fact that we can and are re-creating our world. We are remembering wise sages such as Gandhi telling us “Violence separates people, but the search for truth is a communal enterprise in which we have to work together” and Nelson Mandela who said :”It always seems impossible until it’s done.”

When we each see that each moment, each day, is filled with an opportunity to transmute and transform the usual routines into exciting and explosive magical events in our lives we will choose to rise above the fear, rise above the chaos, and embrace every 24 hours not as terrible situations, but as light filled templates of a new vision for a world we are creating together, and we will soar into peace-harmony- and contentment! Multitudes of visionaries are my friends, my comrades, my allies, and my tribe. We are not alone…we are growing in numbers because we are choosing to be the change we want to see in the world. Do not give up before the miracles you have only dreamed of become the only reality you and I see in our world!

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Embracing The Calm In A World of Chaos


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SEPTEMBER 2017
I have been watching my world and yours deluged with horrific hurricanes, earthquakes, and politico anger in the past few years. It does seem humanity is sitting on the crux of possible extinction. People are grieving for the world we no longer have. Many people are expressing their thoughts through anger, rage, aggression, and violent actions. Bottom line is many are embracing fear that is fueled with the most progressive technological media we have experienced in our history. Social media posts often instead of providing peace and calm provide information that encourages emotional quicksand sandwiched in a blaming environment of depressive verbal diarrhea.

For the past twelve years I have been re-creating the person I previously was. My personal crisis coincided with the death of my partner and an equal death of a lifetime of codependent behavior. I had made choices and acted upon them freely, yet prior to my decision to live my life differently, I knew no other way to exist. I was an aggressive doormat, filled with anger and fear. Even though I practiced active spirituality, I was a vortex of intense emotions.

In 2013 I relinquished television watching. I cleared and detoxified my body of foods that were creating inflammation within my system. I created a discipline of physical exercise, quiet daily reflection, and stillness. I did not do these things because I am saintly or better than anyone else. I needed to create a new way to live because the old way was literally eating me into a young death. Above all I began practicing being very quiet. Being quiet brought calmness. Once I became quiet, I really noticed how noisy the world had become around me. I noticed people needing to talk without really saying anything other than needing to feed their egos. I noticed loud music, loud machines, louder expressions of anger and fears. Had I not gotten quiet I would have continued to be an equal contributor to the noisy chaos of the world.

I also began attracting a different type of people into my social circle. I was drawn to sensitive, calmer men. I released brash in your face, opinionated women from my life. I also noticed I was becoming kinder and more compassionate. Instead of speaking from my former intellectual , analytical self I was speaking from my heart. This is not to say that at times my old self complete with its shadow personality does not emerge from the depths of my ego because it does. When this happens, it is a giant red flag that I am once again in fear and angry over those things I really have no control over. That is the Cosmic Joke: what most of us have no control over are the very things that trigger our fears and are manifested in the form of anger, depression, frustration, and self righteous thoughts and actions.

Perhaps if we each really looked deeply into ourselves and made a conscious decision to find quiet times many times in each 24 hour period without the cell phone, without the television, without the computer, without social media ,without raising our voices to try to convince each other what great information, brain power we love to call our superior intellect , and I am right vs you are wrong opinions, we might discover we are the ones we have been waiting for…..the ones to save humanity from its self destruction of a downward chaotic spiral.

S-h-h-h-h Did you hear that? Ah that was quiet calmness breathing life back into myself. I welcome you to join the calm.

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Upcoming Usui-Holy Fire 2 Reiki Intro and Reiki 1/Reiki 2 Classes in Charlottesville, VA


Nov. 18, Saturday: FREE!!!!! Intro to Usui/Holy Fire II Reik interactive class: 1:00-3:00PM Love Offering facilitated by Reiki Master, Jennye Zeugner Johnson
In Charlottesville , Virginia
Location will be provided upon receipt of your intention to register:
Limited Space so pre register by sending email to:
info@heartvibrationshealing.com ****Attend this intro and receive a $30 discount for Certification Holy Fire II Reiki 1 &Reiki 2 classes offered weekend of Dec 2 and 3, 2017********

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We Each Just Want To Belong

We Each Just Want To Know We Belong

I live very close to Charlottesville, Virginia, the site of recent violence and confusion. In my personal life in the past six weeks both of my elderly parents have died within 28 days of each other! As a person who feel her feelings deeply, I have had to sort out to which event my feelings and emotions are attached. My intellectual side would like to have no attachments with the emotions to any of these events! My intuitive side , however, tells me I am being given a tremendous opportunity of the highest good!

I have listened and observed people all over the world discussing and dissecting what happened in my town, how it needs to be handled, what went right and what went wrong, and seen millions of fingers pointing the blame at others. I have also listened and observed friends and family who hear of how my parents died 28 days apart, and how hard it must be for my brothers and I to cope.

I attest and witness that all of these events have demanded I grieve. After the shock of all the experiences I have felt, I decided a few things. One, I made a commitment to myself that whenever a feeling…no matter what it was…came up, that I would feel it all the way through, not allowing anything to distract me from that intention. There may be positive distractions such as writing, talking with friends, support groups, exercise, etc. but I know myself pretty well, and know I can let even positive things distract me. Two, I noticed that I need to know where I belong in my little world. Do I belong with those who want to place blame on the reason bad things happen? Do I belong with those who feed on fear and anger? Do I belong with those who believe in an eye for an eye, a punch for a punch? Do I belong with those who live with a compassionate heart? Thirdly, I am very sure I have to get gut level and rigorously honest with myself. I have to see the truth about where I have bias, prejudices, and dark shadowy aspects. We all have prejudices! For change to happen it has first to begin with me. I have to look at my stuff before I can effectively look at yours! You have to look at you first before you look at anyone else. I am sure of this!

People who claim they hate another for the color of their skin, sexual orientation, gender, beliefs, political affiliation, or spiritual/religious ideas can scare me at first. When I slow down, pause, and apply human understanding, I just might see that each and everyone of us only wants to know we belong and have a place in this Universe. We at some point quit listening to each other like we used to. Some of us never listened at all for we just wanted to hear our big, loud ego talk talk talk. Some of us live with the mantra: I am right, you are wrong and I am going to prove it to you! Then some of us take it further and if you do not listen to me while I am trying to prove how right I am, I will become a bully and may even inflict physical-mental-emotional pain on you if I think you do not hear me! Maybe we quit listening because we were too wrapped up in staring at a cell phone, surfing the internet, playing games, or other distractions that came with the age of progressive technology!

My silver lining is I have really began listening …listening to why people in Charlottesville and the rest of the world are angry and scared….listening to how my two brothers and other family feel about the losses of two 94 year old people who were part of our lives for a very long time….listening to how people just want to know they fit into a group, into a social setting, into somewhere where they are heard-accepted-treated with kindness! I am even listening to myself!

I am listening to how kind I am willing to be. I am listening to the words I use with others. I am listening to how often I am willing just to look for opportunities to be of service to my fellow brothers and sisters. I am listening to my pain. I am listening to my joy. I am listening to see if just maybe I can see a young person who feels they are not loved, accepted, or do not fit in anywhere….and reach out to them to show them someone really cares before they go join a group of violent haters who claim to care about them.

We really have an opportunity. We really, if we are willing ,can look at our own defective traits and work diligently on being the best example of US that we can be before jumping on our proverbial bulldozers and harming another. We really can be kind to another who disagrees with us. We really can listen to the thinking and ideas of another who believes the opposite way of us. We really can walk a mile in the moccasins of our fellow brother and sister. Is it too late to create a better world? I believe together we can do what we could never do alone.

Are you listening?

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