As the world moves closer to opening up more following a period in time of complete change, I continue to witness divisions among the collective wearing cloaks of rebellion and confusion. There are ,however ,those among my tribe who seem to have surrendered and traded their questions of humanity’s future for a new wardrobe of true compassion. Hoping to embrace unconditional love and genuine respect for my fellow brothers and sisters, I have been observing and reflecting on how I can be the best version of myself in thought and actions. I believe deeply my answer is the practice of Divine Love.
I know my desire and need to be respected never is about what ”they” think about me. It is not about wearing a mask covering my mouth or whether I decide to take or not take a shot. It is about looking within for my self love and self respect, choosing to have my inner masks removed …which only is possible when I get gut level real with myself . I choose to take the inner dive deeper than ever before. In doing so I can either hide like a scared rabbit or be openly vulnerable and risk to make decisions based on not what others believe..but on what I claim and honor for myself. I do not need to push my beliefs on you and for me..I choose to respect your choices in the ever changing world.
The more I set intentions and align with my personal values the more self respect and Divine Love I get to experience. As I practice this way of living my life a few things manifest. I see myself releasing those who are unkind, disrespectful, and emotionally unavailable to me because I am giving myself those very things. I used to hang on to relationships of all kinds because I had history with the people involved. Now it is not that I dislike these past associations but the Universe is showing me the more self respectful I am, the more I attract and choose to nurture relationships that are filled with unconditional loving and respectful people.
I have no need to expend my valuable time and energy hoping others will change to treat me with equal Divine Love. I truly accept them each as they are choosing to be, and keep finding that Love and Respect within that I once thought existed outside of myself . The search is always found by an honest looking within.
I believe we need Unity, not Separation. After all, is that not what real not false illusions, of love about
Survivors of narcissistic relationships, childhood trauma, dysfunctional partnerships or family of origin, controlling parents or bosses, participation in any past emotional or physical battles, and numerous other experiences may have discovered since the world changed bringing the increased stress of the yet to end Pandemic that past triggers have once again raised their insidious heads. Many who had done so much inner work to find their triggers successfully managed in the past yet once again may be feeling a sense of overwhelming shame or despair.
Triggers are physical and/or emotional imprints that can re-emerge when certain smells, sounds, feelings, or tastes are experienced. These triggers are those feelings of being uncomfortable in our own skin which may include situations we would rather not revisit triggering emotional and even physical responses in our body including: betrayal, feeling unheard or ignored, feeling abandoned, feeling shamed, powerlessness, feeling judged, feeling someone is controlling you, feeling someone trying to smother you out of their neediness, feeling alone without any support, someone coming onto you inappropriately or sexually, or someone being too busy to make time for you.
Instead of healing from our emotional triggers we may employ distraction or avoidance techniques that never really worked such as getting angry, acting needy, blaming someone for our pain, using an addiction ( alcohol, drugs, sex, food, etc.), emotionally shutting down, or become overly controlling.
If we knew and remembered our triggers are a gateway and portal to our authenticity, we would affirm they jumped back into our experiences to inform us about ourselves and areas within where we need to heal.
Having a toolbox of self caring solutions is crucial, especially living in such a changed and tipsy-turvy world that feels out of control.
Some helpful strategies:
*Feel the trigger in your body. Our body is our friend and barometer. It never lies to us! Simply observe when triggers appear. * Begin inventorying and ask “ Why am I reacting? What is up with me?” We sometimes want to attack another emotionally or even physically for words or actions that triggered us but that does not help us heal. It only disrespects and causes tensions with another. * Spend time with yourself solo . If you feel degraded or shamed, ask what you are needing in the moment. If you are feeling afraid, ask what are you afraid of and is this fear real? How in this moment can you partner with yourself and become your own Mother and Father to look at the situation with a different perspective.
More Self Care Ideas
*Deep breathing with exhalation *Sing loudly *Dance *Go for a walk in nature *Journal * Run through grass barefoot * Exercise or do yoga * Text or call a friend
*Work with a personal coach to learn how to re-program old and recycled triggers
Write a safety plan and keep it available to yourself! I am a huge fan of sticky notes that I place on walls and mirrors. Self care is self love and we each deserve as much love as we can muster!
Excellent self care apps to check out:
*Happify *Brain.fm *Headspace *Pacifica *Worry Watch *Insight Timer *Jour *Mend *Shine *#SelfCare *I am *Aloe Bud *Sanity&Self *Joy *Sparkle
Remember we are in this thing called life together!
Has it occurred to you that the perceptions you have of who you are affect how you treat others? I have questioned most of my life why prejudice, racism, and the strong need to dominate another whether it has to do with color, race, gender, ethnicity, religion, or beliefs of any kind exists. For one to feel superior to another, which establishes an inherent desire and self induced entitlement to have domination over another group or single person ,it is because the one wanting to squash another into powerlessness feels the other to be a perceived threat. I have long had a magnet that states “if I am alright with me, I have no need to make you wrong.” The underlying issue is fear driving the person wanting to prove the perceived person is beneath them , and needs to be put in their place, controlled, even extinguished . Really it is that the unhealed insecurity, inferiority, and feelings of inadequacy empower them to behave through actions proving they are above and better than those they attempt to oppress.
In normal child development a child seeks acceptance, validation, and approval between the ages of five to twelve. Not getting these needs met often results in the birth of a sense of insecure inferiority. Unless this is resolved as the person goes through life, actions and behaviors will reflect the need to dominate over another.
I am a white woman who grew up in the sixties. I say I never saw color, but you know that is not exactly true. Of course I saw the difference in my skin color and another. What I did not understand was how could it be anywhere near right for a person to be treated less than because they were not white. I really got it by the time I was a high school freshman that I was given freely white privilege and my black friends were not, and I abhorred and hated this fact. I felt bad for people of color but no black person wants our sympathy. What is wanted is to TELL THE TRUTH . We need to call out people, our friends, our family, our co-workers who practice racism and prejudice. We need to admit we as white people have always been granted special privileges in our societies. We need to wake up and scream from the rooftops America and all countries , we have a big problem..we treat people of color differently and it has to stop! We are each equal . Say that repeatedly until your heart gets it. To my black friends I want to say loudly I, White woman of privilege, am sorry! I am not sorry you are of a different color. I am sorry you were not afforded the same privileges as I have been freely given, and I vow to do all I can to be part of the solution in changing this . I vow to call people out who I see treating you beneath them, on police racially profiling, maiming, even killing anyone solely on an unhealed need to dominate because of race and skin color. I vow to listen to every word of my oppressed brothers and sisters and stand with, for, and beside you as a reflection of myself because you are a Divine reflection. We are One species, and our land of chaos can be healed. It MUST start with telling the truth. Black lives matter because we are equal. If my words make you uncomfortable and disgustingly angry, I am glad. At least somewhere within you, you are recognizing your part in a very long standing problem, and just maybe you will become part of the healing of humanity.
When I was younger I allowed my my problems, my pain(body), my issues, my false self to be the fuel behind my choices in jobs, relationships, where I volunteered, and in my actions. My emotions and feelings drove my choices. What I have come to understand and claim is when I compromise my core values, the result almost always ends up in my feeling defeated, less than, burned out, lacking self confidence and self worth, and genuinely stressed out! Somewhere along my path of living life it became crucial that I discovered what exactly were my core values and how did I keep compromising myself. I came up with some self questions to find out the answers. No one could do this for me. I had to get real with myself. Here are only two questions I have embraced whether it is a company I work for, a relationship I am engaged in, or a situation I devote my time and energy with. 1. What is important to me? 2. What do I get from these things? Knowing just these two critical things empowers and enables me to assess if the job, the friendship, the partnership, or the situation aligns with my core values. Only then will my inner motivation, that fuels and drives me express to the Universe and to myself my values. Only then will I be truly at peace, comfortable in my own skin, and be non-conflicted within all the areas that make up my life. My personal greatest core values are integrity, communication( both listening and verbalizing), honesty, self-respect, commitment, authenticity, freedom, creativity, kindness, self-discipline, risk taking and courage. Once a year, or more frequently ,if I find myself in conflict in any area, I look at these values, assessing if I am compromising myself. You may want to ask yourself if you are compromising your values in one or more areas of your life. Remember denial is not a river in Egypt! Do you care if you are compromising ? Is it really worth it? In my mind, if I am compromising my values for any reason it changes my passions and my very soul!
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When I was a little girl it was my greatest pleasure to take off my shoes and socks and run through the grass, mud, and ground. My Grandmother was forever telling me my feet were going to end up so wide that no one would find shoes to fit me! If that was meant to be a deterrent, it certainly did not work!
Zoom forward several decades and almost daily, regardless of the weather (rain, snow, sun, hot, cold) one of the first things I do in the morning no matter where I am is to run outside, getting rid of my shoes and socks and do earthing on the grass and ground. It is one of my spiritual disciplines that feeds my soul.
When I first started barefootin’ and earthing I had no idea it went way back to indigenous roots, and I had no idea that science would study the effects of what I loved as a child to present evidence of how beneficial it actually is on our mind, body, and spirit!
It has been reported that as direct contact with our earth gradually faded out from the time our ancestors walked barefoot or in moccasins/sandals Feeling the earth , we began experiencing electromagnetic instability.
The messages of the Ancient Ones kept telling me to honor the change from Summer into Autumn, to be like the Wise trees that serve as my protection and guardians on the incredible property on which I live. I felt, just like the strong oaks, willows, and pines I was shifting in my beliefs, perceptions, and energies. When we allow ourselves to let go of trying to figure out logically what has no logical answers, and to trust the Ancient Teachings ,Wisdom of Nature ,and Natural Laws to unfold, incredible events come to pass. Our world has changed and those who try to use prior ways to work through current situations just may discover those ways are now archaic, and no longer valid. Using the old ways will bring more fear, more anger, and more frustration. We must be willing to embrace a new paradigm if we are to live in peace and harmony today.