I was born loving the magical element of Change. Most people want to maintain the familiar, the status quo, the predictable. Even though I often state I love change I do get that rush of adrenaline when change happens. I also have this little Fear-Girl who lives somewhere in my belly that gets twinges of resistance when change happens, but that has never completely stopped me from wanting to jump out of my routine existence. I think the mystery of wanting to tap into the unknown reminds me when I was a kid believing a monster was hiding under my bed, me wanting to peek to see if it was, being scared to look, but trembling with fear…leaning down and looking anyway!
My upbringing was pretty much routine so I did not inherit this trait from my family of wanting to be a risk taker and experience adventures. Maybe because I was born with strong intuition as a visionary, different from many peers, wanting to get the rush that comes jumping out of my skin when I came across mystically strange things that I welcome the unknown, most of the time. Then I have this conflict…in spite of relishing change part of me wants to know not how things are going to happen, but wanting to know how people and situations are going to behave and act when things change! I have carried this illusion for much of my life that I am supposed to know ahead of time how they and it will unfold before the actual event arrives! One of the greatest gifts that came to me when the world changed in 2020 was the truth that I do not know how anyone or anything is going to respond or unfold in a future time…be it 10 minutes, a year, or a decade from now. Thus, the secrets of the unknown is hidden from me. Especially in the last three years I have begun to embrace knowing I don’t know, and instead of trying to Control the uncontrollable I return repeatedly to this place of accepting the magical aspects of embracing the unknown! My exception usually though is still wanting to know if my romantic interest, whoever that happens to be at the time, will still be fascinated with my uniqueness. That issue…will continue to manifest in the future!
My creative personality that chooses to embrace the unknown has evolved to shift sandwiched by a few points:
- Everything is temporary even though we may want it to be permanent. We fear that things will not last forever, and they will not! Once I can change my mindset into accepting this fact with the mantra “This to shall pass” I am a bit more comfortable with the walking into the unknown.
- Times I have come face to face with the need to surrender old ways of doing my life because how I am doing it just is not working I initially have that Fear-Girl show up as I wonder….but who will I be if I let go of this or them? However, my own history provides evidence to me to that letting go of my old ideas, ways, and attachments always has been a path of Light with more authenticity and an even better version of myself.
- Those situations , those losses, those unpredictable life, health, financial, love situations that happened when the Universe threw an unexpected Monkey Wrench at me (*ahem * without by the way asking my permission or approval) that I actually survived through them and climbed out of the quicksand of the experience proved how resilient I really am in the face of the Unknown.
My inner obstacles all have been wrapped around with my trying to live in the past that already happened or the future that may never get here, my overthinking that just makes me crazier, my lack of believing in the ability of myself to handle anything that comes my way, or my resistance in embracing that stepping out of my comfort zone will lead to greater contentment.
When I embrace the unknown as something magical and something I have absolutely no control over, it gets pretty exciting to see how it shows up, to be my own witness of new possibilities , and to allow myself to be open to amazing wonders I never saw coming! I think I will keep canoodling with the unknown and jump off the next proverbial cliff with my arms outstretched as I fly with the wind, carrying my little Fear-Girl in a safe pouch inside me laughing all the way to the next destination of my journey in this thing I call my Sacred Life.