Self-Forgiveness

We only regurgitate actions causing harm in the past, never in the present moment. It may surprise you to know there are basic similar acts that people choose to dredge up in their minds that , if self forgiveness, was practiced , there would be no reason to put ourselves through internal suffering! Some of these are: 1. Failure and deterioration of a life event such as a relationship or a career. 2. Promising to follow through on something that you let slip away such as saving enough money for your child’s education, financial stability in retirement years, or not being present for a sick parent/friend/lover in their time of need. 3. Engaging in addictive behaviors that have harmed others and yourself such as abusing alcohol, drugs, food, sex, gambling, co-dependency, or manipulative acts of controlling others. 4. Selfish acts taken to get what you wanted , and in the process harmed others as you walked right over them with your eyes only on the prize of that thing you had to have and own.

When we refuse to forgive ourselves or do not know how to even start, we carry into aspects of our lives and into our relationships (partners, friends, relatives, co-workers, neighbors, anyone we come into contact with) the shame, guilt, and suffering that lives within us. When we carry this internal shame and suffering, the people we care about suffer also . This is due to the fact we are wearing a hooded cloak of guilt that encompasses the behaviors of being more critical, more judgmental, and being emotionally unavailable. It does not stop with affecting others for our thoughts about our suffering create chemicals within our bodies that disrupt our digestion, increase heart rates and blood pressure levels, tighten muscles, and affect our memory-cognition! Additionally, each time we re-visit our story of shame, guilt, and remorseful acts of unresolved self love and forgiveness we flood our body with new destructive chemicals!

Sometimes we humans will use the rationalization monkey and only think we have forgiven ourselves but have not owned our part taking responsibility for our actions. If this is the case, we may feel relieved of the feelings we have been carrying around in our energetic sack of unhappiness but we have managed to decrease compassion and empathy for others and have blocked our own motivation to make amends . In other words, we are in denial of our own healing! Remorse and fear can be our friend…..by encouraging the need and actions for positive change. When we make the decision to embrace our fear instead of running from it or trying to deny it, we have solved more than half of our problem!

Here are some tips that may help you practice self forgiveness: 1. Name your devil in writing! Write exactly what you did or what you did not follow through on. Write next who was harmed and how. Include YOU! 2. Write a story about how you felt prior to the decision of the act,during the act, and after the act. How did you feel about the people involved? 3. Assess what your motives at the time were. Be honest if you want an outcome of self forgiveness! 4. Write about the triggers of your behavior. Many times our actions are triggered from unresolved, old events in our lives. Did the triggers remind you of another event, another time , such as something in your childhood or in a challenging relationship? 5. Were your beliefs at the time of the acts you are now dredging up that happened in the past the same as beliefs you hold in the present time? Were the beliefs you held back then yours or did they belong to a church, a parent, a teacher, a friend, someone else??? 6. Reflect back to the time of the event that you now feel guilt or shame over. Was the action aligned with your core belief at the time or did you make the decision to discard your value and belief? If this is true for you, then you did more harm to yourself than to anyone else! You let yourself down, and are still punishing yourself. ********At this point take a BIG Breath!!******** 7. Create ways to make amends to yourself! Here is one way: Write a letter from your Future Self, and YES you have one! Write to your prior self , the one in the past who committed the harm . Tell him/her how proud you are of the lessons learned. List the solutions you now have and are using. Throw some confetti to celebrate !!!!!! 8. Claim the fact that you are not who you were. You are a Spiritual Being Having a Human Experience who may make more mistakes because you are human and will not be perfect in the body you currently live within, but you can choose to learn from your experiences and amend or change your ways of living life.