Parents, teachers, bosses, present and ex mates, and various others helped to form the inner critic when those people responded or voiced their opinions of us, and we heard it enough times that it became ingrained in our minds. We eventually accepted those messages as facts and our Inner Critic was developed. Is it fair to go on blaming THEM in our adulthood? Why does that Inner Critic seem to show up right at the worst moments? Moments like walking into a social gathering, preparing for an evaluation or a test, going out with someone we like, right before an interview, in the middle of a project, etc…..this is when that loud mouth inner critic raises objections of who we are, how secure we could be but are not, how many times we have tried and failed, etc. No matter how hard we try to make that IC shut up, go away, it just seems to talk louder than any of the other voices that live in our head!

Some part of us has bought hook, line, and sinker into the false belief that our Inner Critic may just be right….that we cannot trust ourselves, our decisions, our choices. We bought into the lie that we cannot succeed, that we are lazy,that we are not good enough, that we are doomed to be less than, and that being our individual selves is not valid in our world!! Have you ever noticed how the Inner Critic speaks in the second person? It never says “I”…it says YOU are never going to do life right….YOU are heartless and so selfish in relationships…YOU will never become the person you were created to be…YOU are a fake and not authentic!!!

What if you could believe that your Inner Critic really is on your side! What if our Inner Critic is only trying to protect us and take care of us! I believe it is true! Our Inner Critic does not want us to fail again or be hurt, humiliated as we have in our past…so it gives us messages that it thinks will protect us from that happening again! Of course it only knows how to deliver those messages in a negative, condescending manner because that is the nature of its source!!! So now that you know what its intentions are, could you befriend your Inner Critic instead of trying to run, hide, and ignore it which by the way will never work anyway!

First, stop denying you have an Inner Critic! Next do a 15-20 minute exercise identifying your IC; take out paper and pen and answer these questions: 1. What feeds it or what does it eat? 2. Where in you does it live? 3. What are its favorite mantras about you? 4. Does it have a gender? 5. Draw a picture of it. ****If you are a people pleaser, intend to not be super nice in doing this exercise! Write any awarenesses you have gotten from this exercise about your Inner Critic….

Now you have a better idea of how deep into your subconscious your Inner Critic is. You can choose to view and act in a new, empowered way! – Instead of being so serious when your IC gives you a negative message, respond back with something like: I know I need an updated haircut and I am overweight but I am going to the party/wedding/etc. anyway..and I am going to have a blast! -Thank your Inner Critic and say: Thanks for all your great advice. As a reward I am sending you on an all expenses paid vacation to Bali and when you return you can give me more of your insights into myself!!! -Instead of arguing with your Inner Critic about how it is lying about you, simply be the observer without compassion for the Inner Critic by saying ..hmmm most interesting! Finally, ask these two important questions: 1. What do you need from me right now? 2. What can you do to help me right now? -

I will tell you that my own history includes emotional abuse to my psyche and I really have tamed my Inner Critic. There are times I choose to re-visit the exercise I presented to you. I call those times the trigger times.Once in a while, I get triggered by someone, a situation, and my Inner Critic jumps in trying to protect me it her special way! Like me, I am sure you are willing to go to any lengths to honor your journey and live an authentic life. The greatest reward in befriending my Inner Critic has been that I have learned and chosen to love those parts of myself that I once judged as unlovable! I am so excited that you, too, are choosing to love all of you!!!!

Walking Beside You On the Journey,Jennye

Jennye

Our arrogant, self righteous ego will adamantly scream that we do not need to do any more work on ourselves. It will tell us we ARE transformed and can freely rest on our laurels! Furthermore, the know -it-all Ego will inform us that we do not need to take time to reflect and check in with ourselves daily to make sure we are humble, treating each and every person with love and kindness, practicing integrity and honesty, and showing respect not only to others but to ourselves! Our lying ego will tell us we do not need to take time out of our busy day to pray and meditate; it will tell us we do not need help from anyone for we are Wise and Powerful..and have all the answers for ourselves as well as everyone else! We run our own show brilliantly! That Ego will demand we hold onto resentments and hold on to people, situations, and things that no longer mirror our Authenticity. Oh.that Ego never stops blowing its own horn! So who are you listening to today: Ego or Divine Self???

Experiencing JOY is an inside job, and starts with each of us. Examples of life long patterns of believing we do not deserve joy can be: *You do not give yourself enough attention *You find numerous distractions in order to ignore yourself *You look into the mirror and see flaws, imperfections, and defects. *When you feel depressed, sad, or frustrated you tell yourself to just get over it and demand you just stop without looking at the underlying aspects. *You stuff your feelings by overworking, over or under eating, relationshipping, spending money on things you do not really need, zoning on television…..(name your own Devil to fill in the blank of how you stuff feelings)

When you do something that feels so good that you shout out: HELL, YES! …that is JOY! Here are some of the things that are JOY ENHANCERS for me: -Watching a river flow -Laughing with a child or with someone who , like me, lets their inner child OUT! -Seeing an elderly person smile -Watching kittens play when they do that sideways move! -Dancing my socks off -Staying up until after midnight watching the first snow of the season -Feeling great to be the real ME!!!! What makes you feel JOY? The secret now is to hold onto that feeling and expand it to other areas of your life! Ready and willing????

Joy happens only in the present moment, not in the future or the past. Accept that whatever is going on in your life in the present….you created to learn from and to grow from! STOP Right now call upon your soul, your Divine Within, or Creator.. and request to be shown love, joy, acceptance, peace, and harmony. You may have to put out the intention that you are willing to RECEIVE Let go of being the victim to your past pain. Release your fears! Take time to rest and be quiet. Play Time is essential!!! Write a gratitude list daily! Be Kind to others and Be Kind to YOU!

I freely will tell you I do not experience joy 100% of the time! However, I am experiencing it more than I have in my past! This year has been such a transformational year personally for me! From January until December it has been one change after another, and I am so very grateful that I did not give up before major miracles happened in my life! Speaking of miracles, this time of year is filled with thousands of miracles daily! Actually every day is filled with thousands of them! When we each live joyfully we do not miss them! I wish you each Merry Christmas, Happy Winter Solstice, Joyful Holidays, and an extremely Transformative closing of 2011 as we each open to receive love and joy in 2012!!!!

Walking Beside You On the Journey,Jennye

A recent research project conducted via telephone surveys by two psychology professors asked people aged 19-103 to talk about their greatest regrets in life. “The most commonly cited regrets involved romance (18%) – lost loves or unfulfilled relationships. Family regrets came in second (16%), with people still feeling badly about being mean to their siblings in childhood. Other frequently reported regrets involved career (13%), education (12%), money (10%) and parenting (9%).” Furthermore, the study validated what previous studies have shown: that the regrets over inaction(not doing something people wish they had done) stay in the mind longer and action(words/actions that people wish they had not done) regrets are in recent time frames. So the question I pose to you is how do we heal our regrets, how do we move forward, and how do we use our experiences as a catalyst to live authentically?

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”(Mark Twain) I have long believed a mistake is only a mistake if we choose to not learn from it. When we each take responsibility for our part, make amends by CHANGING our behavior…not just by saying “I am sorry”, and move forward with self forgiveness, we will more easily let go of that re-playing of past regrets in our thoughts.

When we accept, embrace, and honor the fact that — We were each created to learn from and rise above prior situations instead of dwelling on the negative perspectives of our past actions and inactions. –We can write with paper and pen what REALLY happened, look at what our motives were THEN, and choose to live life differently when the next opportunity presents itself — Accept and affirm that each of us are the only ones who can truly choose to be happy and peaceful in any given situation.Letting go of the idea that it is another person or material aspect that makes us happy is such a freeing and simple action! –Visualize and write about how your life can be different if you forgive yourself for things you wish you had not said or done; and for things you did not do; Now act out of that visualization and you are the Authentic YOU!

Perhaps we stay attached to our past and the old way of living life because it is so familiar. Just because it is familiar, does not mean it is working in our present life! Did you know that the choices, actions, and words you used during those times you still regret were the best option you had at that time???? That person no longer exists in the Present! Just for today and just for this moment, you can decide and act upon making choices based on what you can give, not what you can take from any situation. When we act out of SERVICE in any relationship, we are releasing the EGO’s need to be demanding, controlling, and “Right”. Service and Love are always winning disciplines over Fear and Anger!!!

Deep within my spirit and soul, I believe that when I and you choose to instead of dwelling on what was, what might have been…make the daily choice to view each opportunity with limitless gratitude, we will have that AHA moment, finding the doorknob that was once invisible to us. That doorknob opens a new, exciting door to which we can hold our heads up and smile within our hearts as we live authentically. Now I know you are deserve finding your next door and I rejoice with you!

Walking Beside You On the Journey,Jennye

Jennye